First, I want to say you are now a new stepmom and welcome to the journey. It’s a roller coaster but a beautiful adventure. I know this is a scary time for you. It’s all new and you never thought this would be apart of your life. I know I didn’t. My stepsons walked into my life 5 years ago and at the end of the day, I can’t imagine life without them. They have taught me so much along with their father.
Second, you aren’t replacing their mom
Remember this. As a new stepmom you are now their bonus mom. They have another parent now that is going to love them so much. I know sometimes these situations are messy and arguments may happen, but remember you all have come together for the child/children. It may seem unknown right now but it gets better. In the beginning there were endless arguments and many uncertainties but we all pushed through. Somethings aren’t always perfect but we are all trying our best.
Third, it is so hard
I have cried many tears throughout my new stepmom journey. I have accepted that the easy moments are rare. My best advice is to do your best. Keep your boundaries. And go to your spouse for support. I really have to rely on him. Remember you are not alone in this journey. You do the best you can just as your stepchildren’s parents are trying to do the same.
Fourth, you are going to love them so much
I fell so in love with them so quickly. It was so easy. The younger one accepted me much quicker than the older one. But we got there. He comes to me with so much now. There is a special place in my heart for them just as there is in their hearts.
Fifth, keep your boundaries
I said this earlier but it’s so true. Hold them up. Have boundaries not only with your stepchildren but your spouse and his ex. I didn’t do this at first and there was so much heartache. The feeling of being alone and hurt was overwhelming. I was too involved and needed to step away. You are not apart of their past. You are the future and it is so beautiful.
Lastly, don’t forget to take care of yourself
Now, self-care was hard for me. One, because my stepchildren live with us full time and have for the past 4 years. Two, I didn’t realize how strung out I was. He works why I stay home, raise, and homeschool the kids. I had too much on my plate and was not asking for help. I finally had to let him know it was too much and that I was missing time with our newborn. We had to work schedules out but we finally figured it out. You are worthy of all things joy, love, and peace. If you are feeling exhausted talk to your spouse and let him know you need to step back for a moment and take care of yourself. They are more his responsibility than yours and don’t feel bad for taking care of yourself.
You are doing the best you can with the cards you have been dealt. I know and understand that this is not how you imagined your happily ever after. But you not only have your spouse you are gaining more love into your life as well. I hope this helps with any uncertainties you may have about being a stepmother. You are not alone and you can do this.